I was planning to move back home to my farm this spring but I soon realized that wasn't going to work out and so I was gifted with a Plan B. To fully understand the gift that it is, I have to share with you a few things about me. About 6 or 7 years ago, I came across a new way to create the life you desired by choosing words that described how you want to feel. It’s a little like the way you might choose a word for the year but in a way that seems to go a little deeper by focusing on something more long-term.

So I thought about the kind of life I wanted and the ways I wanted to feel and chose some key words to create my life. Since then, these words have continued to be ways in which I want to feel and a part of the way I want my life to be. The words I chose were: epic, adventure, and magic. A few years ago I was going over this list as I felt it needed a new word with new energy to add to my life; so I decided to add another one...belonging.

The new move has given me this new word as a beautiful gift - let me tell you how.

I’m a “people person”

As an outgoing and social person, the separation from my marriage, family and farm to live in an apartment or two then in a house on my own has not been easy. Add to that the year and a half of near-isolation because the world was in lockdown and it was the perfect mix of ingredients for a lot of mental and emotional stress. As the world began to come out of lockdown, I knew I wanted to feel like I was a part of something…a group or a family….something with people. I love connecting with people and networking so I sought out ways to work with others which you may have seen - like my projects with Normandi Ellis on our oracle deck, tours, and videos, and with Curtis Ryan Woodside on our adventures through Italy and Egypt as well as videos and presentations we’ve done. I began to spend more time going horseback riding with long-time friends and thoroughly enjoying the time we spent together, spending time each week with my family for Family Dinner Night, and making a point of going to my farm more often during the week to enjoy being in the barn feeding the animals and cleaning stalls and brushing Fred and the other horses. Each of these things fulfilled what I was looking for when I added the word “belonging” to my list. It added meaning to my daily life and people to spend time with rather than feeling alone, isolated and all the detrimental thought processes that come from that experience.

An announcement twist

Last summer my husband announced that he had some health issues that he wasn’t exactly clear on but wasn’t going to address and felt like his time was limited. This of course made me start to think about what I needed to prepare my Self for in the event that I needed to be home to take care of the animals and I thought it made sense to move back. I was there quite often as it was but, while we get along and still are partners in many ways, it soon became clear to me that to move back with my husband still there would be a huge sacrifice of my emotional and mental well-being. So then I had sort of decided that I would just be without a home for awhile and stay a few nights at the farm, a few nights with a friend or my aunt, or even in a tent in the front field by the pond during the warm summer months….it sounds like an adventure, right?

The Universe it seems didn’t really like that idea so much and so one day while talking with my sister, she informed me rather firmly that she had an extra bedroom and that I could move in with her. After all that I had been through emotionally and mentally, the mind-games and at times outright abuse, this was something new and different. This felt like an invitation to ‘belong’.

Needless to say, I had an inner struggle right then and there as I was then face-to-face with my protective response of resistance to receiving kindness or assistance. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that I had inadvertently manifested the opportunity to experience “belonging”. So I accepted her invitation while inwardly kept fanning the spark of hope in going home over the next few weeks. I began packing and sorting and getting ready to move into a bedroom rather than an entire house and you won’t believe how much stuff one can accumulate over 4 years living in one place!!

I started going through closets and drawers sorting what I wanted to keep, where that was going to be stored, what was going to be stored at my farm to wait for me and what would go with me to my sister’s, and what needed to be let go of and donated to GoodWill or thrown away. At times it was overwhelming and so I worked on what I could, when I could. I rested when I needed rest and pushed a little when I thought I could handle it. My mom came over to help me box things up or take things out.

Moving day….bring in the troops!

The day I was all set to move, my sister and our whole family showed up with their trucks and trailers, kids and more! They all pulled up like it was a Big Moving Day and so official. They all piled out of their trucks and cars and were ready to load up all the furniture and boxes. Everything went fast with all the helping hands and I didn’t feel like I did much other than run around gathering more things and pointing.

The day was spent getting everything we could out of the house and into all the vehicles and trailer, unloading everything into the house and putting it in its place. My great-nieces were busy in the closet with the clothes, of course, getting everything hung up and some of the boxes we just put in the garage for the time-being. My beloved bookshelf that my dad made went upstairs where all my favorite books were waiting to be shelved, my dressers were placed upstairs and my old but fun weird green wing-backed chair went upstairs in my sister’s office.

There are a lot of details I don’t really remember well, but the thing I DO remember is feeling like I belonged somewhere, that I was loved by someone, and that for no other reason than I was her sister, I was welcomed with open arms into a new home….and a different life.

A new and different life

Over the course of the next week I finished getting the odds-and-ends things from the house ,delivered some of my beloved plants to friends or to the farm, and most of them ended up with me at my sister’s! I had been going to my farm every night for at least the last three weeks to feed and spend time with the horses as I kept hoping things might change and I would feel like I could actually move back home but now I was farther away and in the opposite direction from my farm and where I ride. It was overwhelming to think about not spending so much time with them because logistically it was going to be more difficult and time consuming, not to mention all the mileage and cost of fuel to travel so far so often each week.

On the last day, after I had everything out of the house, I felt like I needed some sort of closure so I went into each room to thank the house for all that it held me through. I thanked my bedroom for holding me through being sick with Covid twice and for the sacred space to create videos in; I thanked my living room for the space to be entertained by friends and family and to welcome people into my space; I thanked my dining room/office for holding the space for my sacred altar, rituals, intentions, and getting all the work done; I thanked my kitchen for holding the space for me to nourish my body and my laundry room for the space to clean my clothes.

When I was in the room where my altar had been, thanking it for for this sacred space I saw something sitting on the ledge of the baseboard and reached down to see what it was. To my surprise, it was a small rose quartz heart! It felt like the house answered me back and was wishing me love on the next chapter of my epic, adventurous, magical life where I could feel like I belonged.

I’m fairly settled into my new space and when I return back from my spring tour to Egypt, I’ll begin to settle into my new life and daily rhythm. While I plan for my future and decide what my next steps will be, I think this is a sweet space to call home. A place where I belong.

#truestory

Favorite things in a new space to feel like home