While attending a retreat one year, I attended a presentation in which the speaker said something quite profound about traveling. She said, “It’s not a quest unless you come home.” Having recently returned from a trip to Egypt, I was feeling the scope of these words as I went through the motions of getting back into my life as if nothing had changed…..because it felt like everything had changed.

Before I left for the trip, I had to let go and surrender to all the things I wouldn’t be able to be a part of here in my life while I was gone. I had to go through a tiny sort of death which was interesting because the woman I was traveling with was having the same kinds of thoughts as she prepared for the trip. Perhaps that’s another story for another day but when we had that conversation while in Egypt together I was struck with the immensity of it all. There was definitely a lesson here and a transformation taking place on many levels.

THE RETURN

I returned from Egypt and life here hadn’t stopped for a second. My calendar still had my responsibilities on it that it had before I left and I spent one day resting, one day visiting my family, and then I was off again to participate in an expo to give readings all weekend. After the expo, it was time to go to the farm to take care of the animals while my husband was gone and then it was Thanksgiving and time to go to Ohio to see family and my 100 year old grandma….and then I had a photo shoot and played my harp at nursing homes for their holiday dinners and parties!

My calendar kept me going and my suitcases were in a constant state of packing and unpacking and going again. The return was definitely a whirlwind with not a lot of time to settle in gently but not only did I return from the trip, I returned to my Self a little bit more…and less. I was in it with less emotional baggage because I had worked on letting go of emotions that were holding me back. I was in it with less worry over things I couldn’t control because I had to let go of controlling what wasn’t mine to in the first place. I was also in it with more….more confidence in what was important to me, more focus on not letting the little things get to me, more resilient to harsh words and actions and definitely a more no nonsense attitude about some things that really needed that.

Returning to an “After Life” is a chance to begin again renewed. You’ve gone out and lived in a new place for a while, you’ve established new rhythms and started a few habits you’d like to continue. You’ve had a chance to feel your way into what you might be like without all the “old” parts of you and to see new possibilities in your life and your daily happiness.

ANCIENT EGYPTIAN PERSPECTIVES

In Ancient Egypt, one can see in their tombs and funerary texts a connection between life and an After Life. The most ancient writings are known as the Pyramid Texts and are a series of texts from the walls inside the pyramids of pharaohs from mainly the 5th Dynasty. There’s some debate on how these texts were used….as funerary texts or a more spiritual or shamanic and transformational ceremony. Either way, they describe a transformation and a leaving of one life and emerging into another. When one dies to one life they begin again in another and it reminds me of another aspect of Ancient Egyptian thought and belief known as the “Zep Tepi”, which means “the first time”.

When someone dies, the surviving friends and family have a lot of “first times” ahead of them….their first Christmas without their loved one, their first anniversary or their first child’s wedding or the birth of their first grandchild. You’re left with no other choice than to approach each day and each experience as if it were the “first time.” Sometimes, when you’ve traveled and have left one place in life to enter into another you return transformed in hidden and unexplained ways. There’s the “first time” you didn’t get upset by something that normally would have, the “first time” you felt confident going out to an even alone, the “first time” you took a chance and said “yes” to an activity you might normally avoid or the “first time” you spend a quiet evening at home feeling content and relaxed.

Having traveled and also experiencing a lot of “first time” events without my friend who passed away has brought me to a new appreciation for living my life….my own personal After Life. Even if you haven’t taken a trip and returned, there is a new year ahead and lots of opportunity to, at the very least, explore living in the new year as a new you….with more courage, more compassion, more openness….with less envy, less stress, less emotional baggage weighing you down.

Remember to breathe

When there is a birth or a “first time” that comes up in our lives it can be stressful. When we’re finishing up one year and gearing up for the next, it can be stressful, too. For one thing, it’s a journey into the Unknown…we’re not used to being in the world in that way or experiencing a familiar situation in a new way. You might have heard the advice to stop and take a breath when you’re feeling overwhelmed or before you step into some new situation to calm your Self. You might have heard about breathing techniques for pregnant women who are in the midst of giving birth. Many times when we’re stressed or concentrating, we tend to hold our breath. I remember teaching riding lessons and when I’d see the horse moving with their head held high and their back hollowed out and their rider moving very stiffly, I’d remind the young rider to take a deep breath in and then exhale and sure enough, not only would their body relax, but the horse’s body would relax, too.

Breathing helps to maintain oxygen flow to our brains and helps us to think more clearly. Breathing keeps everything moving rather than freezing up. Breathing is also a sacred act that brings life. The Ancient Egyptian Coffin Texts were like a road map through the duat (their After Life) so that the deceased, who was now in a new state of existing could navigate this new existence with confidence rather than with fear. Throughout the texts, the deceased is also reassured that they will be able to breathe….”there will be sweet air for your nostrils”. When we know that we can breathe, it helps to calm us.

As you move into the new year and all of your “first times” and all of the new adventures of your After Life, notice when you feel tense or when you feel fear or can’t think clearly….then remind your Self gently to breathe, to slow down and feel into it slowly. Savor it for what it is….a “first time” and just notice your emotions and your body.

Conclusion

Perhaps I haven’t been able to put into words exactly the concepts I have in my mind, but I hope that somewhere in there that your heart and soul knows and understands. Trust me….I know that you might be feeling like the shoe is about to drop but surrender! Keep letting go of the past and old stories and keep envisioning a new possibility and a new After Life. There will always be “sweet air for your nostrils”.

If you’d like to share your thoughts on what you’ll do in the new year, I’d love to hear about them in the comments!